Unspoken
by bedgebog
Summary: Kate and Sawyer are chemistry, sympathy and lots of subtext. They're not ones for oversharing, but they say a lot without speaking. Get the full nonverbal transcript here!
1. The Kiss

THE KISS: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

dedicated to josh + evie for acting the hell out of their scenes together and to leah kate, because the authoress of "in hiding" and "on the road" cannot be honored enough

SawyerUnspoken: You know, torture's not all it's cracked up to be. Ow...Well, hello, Freckles. If you don't mind me saying so, you look damn fine in "sullen and resentful."

KateUnspoken: Oh, Sawyer. Whatever am I going to do with you and your pretty, pretty hair? sighs

"So, I'm here. Where is it?"

KateUnspoken: I can't believe you dragged me out here for this. Someone needs to keep an mournful eye on the waves, you know? And there's also some sand slightly to the north of us that still needs to be gazed at wistfully. I'm a busy woman! Let's get on with it.

"Happy to tell you. Soon as I get that kiss."

SawyerUnspoken: We could do some other stuff, too, but you'll have to untie me for that. I'll need my hands.

"What? Are you serious?"

KateUnspoken: I can't believe you're still on that kiss thing. Was getting me drunk gonna be too prosaic for you?

"Baby, I'm tied to a tree in a jungle of mystery. I just got tortured by a damn spinal surgeon and a genuine I-raqi. 'Course I'm serious. You're just not seein' the big picture here, Freckles. You really gonna let that girl suffocate because you couldn't bring yourself to give me one little kiss? Hell, it's first base. Lucky for you I ain't greedy."

SawyerUnspoken: Okay, I'm totally greedy. But she doesn't need to know that. Is she actually buying this?

"Okay."

KateUnspoken: I can't believe I'm actually buying this.

"Okay."

SawyerUnspoken: Damn I'm good.

She kneels down. They make eye contact, and she leans into kiss him.

KateUnspoken: Well, thank god I brushed my teeth this morning.

SawyerUnspoken: Oh, by the way, little kiss or not, there's gonna be tongue. You know that, right?

The kiss begins.

KateUnspoken: Interesting. What else you got?

He kisses her again. She shudders.

KateUnspoken: Um, I'm gonna shut up now. Because...damn.

They pause for just a moment.

KateUnspoken: Wait--you're not stopping, are you?

SawyerUnspoken: Girl, I'm just gettin' started.

KateUnspoken: Well thank god. As you were.

The kiss continues.

KateUnspoken: This is might be the last kiss I'll ever need. Oh. My. God. Wait, what? How did this even happen?

She breaks it off.

KateUnspoken: Can you feel naughty and nice--really, really nice--at the same time? And why can't I breathe?

They make eye contact.

SawyerUnspoken: Holy. Sht.

KateUnspoken: You know synesthesia, where you can hear colors and see music? I think that might be happening to me. Do you think it's possible to experience emotions in your body? Because I have this feeling in my muscles and my nerves and my bones. It's...trippy.

SawyerUnspoken: I'm so screwed.

"I don't have it."

KateUnspoken: "It"? No, I can assure you that "It" you've got in spades.

"What?"

KateUnspoken: Seriously, what are you talking about? And where did you learn how to do that, anyway? And who else have you done it with? Because I want them all dead. I know that's petty, but I just discovered I don't like to share.

"The medicine. I don't have it. Never did."

KateUnspoken: Ooooh! The girl who was suffocating. Right. Asthma medication. Right...HEY!

"The book. They said you found it in their luggage."

KateUnspoken: I can't believe I fell for the old suffocating girl line. God! I'm so stupid!

"Book washed up on shore. Went in the drink with the rest of the--"

Kate clocks him.

SawyerUnspoken: Ow. OW! You know, sweetheart, if you screw half as well as you hit, we're gonna get along just fine.


	2. The Waterfall, Part One

THE WATERFALL SCENE, PART I: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

this installment of "Kate and Sawyer: Everything They Didn't Say" is brought to you by Butterfly's music videos "Silent Movie" and "Thank You for the Venom", the official unofficial music video sponsors of UnspokenVision

Fruit gathering, jungle walking, brush rustling. A twig snaps. Our heroine throws at a rock at the marauding whatever.

"Ow! Son of a bitch! What the hell are you doing?"

SawyerUnspoken: You've got a mean fastball, Freckles, but save it for the Island all-star game. Damn! Christ. It's all fun and games until someone loses a kneecap. (And by someone, I mean _me_!)

KateUnspoken: Sawyer? Sawyer got off his lazy ass and followed me into the jungle? Hey, Sawyer _likes_ me. Saw-yer likes me, Saw-yer likes me...and I find it oddly exciting. Weird.

"You stalking me?"

SawyerUnspoken: Hey! Just because you're so incredibly cute that I could eat you alive--starting with your adorable nose--that doesn't mean I would actually stalk you and eat you. I think you got me confused with that damn polar bear. Get a grip, woman.

"Stalking you? I was protecting you!"

KateUnspoken: Okay, you're right. I was being too harsh. It wasn't so much stalking as peeping. But what the hell kind of show did you think you were gonna get out here, anyway? Save your singles for Shannon's string-bikini show. Jeez.

"From what? Southern perverts?"

SawyerUnspoken: Hey, I have made some good money in my day by being a Southern pervert, so don't knock it till you've tried it, princess.

"Yeah, whatever. I can't believe you!"

KateUnspoken: You can't believe me? That's your own damn fault. I totally explained that I was unstable, unpeggable and unpredictable, and that you didn't know my type, but do you ever listen? Noooo. Sawyer smart! Sawyer know everything!

"It's not that bad."

KateUnspoken: By the way, that's "I'm sorry I hurt you" in Katespeak. It's a hard language to comprehend when you first encounter it, but you're...smart. You'll catch on eventually.

"It's _my_ knee. I'll tell you how bad it is."

KateUnspoken: How bad is it?

SawyerUnspoken: It's as bad as it needs to be for me to finally get me your undivided attention.

"What the hell you doin' all the way out here anyway?"

KateUnspoken: Fighting crime. What does it look like I'm doing? Gathering. As in the part of hunting and gathering that reliably supplies the group with carbohydrates and vital calories. Try to cope, handsome.

"Everyone's been eating a lot. This is the only place the trees aren't picked clean."

SawyerUnspoken: Can't we pay some migrant farm workers to do that while we make out?

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't be out here alone. Not after what happened to--"

SawyerUnspoken: Whatshername. The blond one who can't operate a diaphragm.

"No, I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

KateUnspoken: If you've heard that the knight errant is rewarded for his chivalry by a kiss from the lady, you heard wrong, pervert.

SawyerUnspoken: You can take care of the other 40 people on this island, darlin', but it's painfully obvious that you canInot/I take care of yourself. So just shut up and relax. I ain't gonna hurt ya.

"Oh, of course. I don't need protecting. I can take care of myself. Me Kate. Me throw rock!"

KateUnspoken: Is this what girls mean when they say "I love the way he makes me laugh"? I never got that before. I always thought they were just saying that because their boyfriends were ugly.

"Shhh."

SawyerUnspoken: Wow. You just love a chance to ignore me, don't you?

"What? You smell blood on the wind?"

KateUnspoken: Some people love their mothers. Other people love their dogs. You? You love the sound of your own voice. Now, _hush_,--I'm trying to listen to something that's not you!

"You don't hear that?"

SawyerUnspoken: Dammit. Yo, Island--if anybody's gonna be whispering sweet nothings in this girl's ear, it's gonna be me, me and only me. So shut the hell up! Understand?

To be continued in Return of the Waterfall Scene and the Waterfall Scene Strikes Back, coming someday, probably soon, to a monitor near you!


	3. The Waterfall, Part Two

THE WATERFALL SCENE, PART II: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

(They come upon prettiest waterfall ever.)

(Sawyer hustles down to the water's edge and pulls his shirt off.)

"What are you doin'?"

KateUnspoken: Do you ever find an excuse to keep your shirt _on_?

"I need to soak my sore knee. Come on, Freckles. After all we been through on this damn island, don't we deserve something good? What? You gonna say no? You some sort of navel-gazin', no-fun, mopey type?"

KateUnspoken: (sighs) You had me at rippling shoulder muscles.

(Kate strips.)

(Sawyer growls.)

"Ahhh. Well."

SawyerUnspoken: It's about damn time I got your pants off.

(He wades in.)

(She follows.)

"Chilly! Come on girl!"

SawyerUnspoken: I can see your nipples. I win.

KateUnspoken: In your dreams, cowboy.

(They frolic.)

"Nice, huh? Come on, let's go on the rocks."

(They climb, and dive.)

(He grabs her for a good tickle.)

KateUnspoken: Knock it off, Sawyer. I'm having too much fun already. Any more of that, and you're gonna be stuck with me.

(She spots the bodies.)

KateUnspoken: Son of a bitch!

(Sawyer notices them too.)

SawyerUnspoken: Rotting corpses. From the plane. Of course. You know, for supposedly being deserted, there's not a whole hell of a lot of privacy on this damn island. Hell, if you people wanted a watery grave, I could recommend _several_ nice spots in the gigantic ocean-size ocean immediately to the left of us. But, nooo, ya'll had to set up camp in the one part of the Island that finally persuades the femme fatale here to chill the hell out. Of course. As of right now, I'm officially sure this place is cursed. God. Damn.


	4. The Waterfall, Part Three

THE WATERFALL SCENE, PART III: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

(Our heroes emerge from the water.)

"Hey, you okay?"

SawyerUnspoken: Poor thing's probably never seen a decomposing body before.

"Yeah, you?

KateUnspoken: Poor thing's probably never seen a decomposing body before.

"Yeah. I'm gonna go check 'em out"  
"Check 'em out for what"  
"See what they've got on 'em"  
"Sawyer!"

KateUnspoken: Hey, wait for me! I'm coming with you!

(Sawyer gets his pickpocket on)  
(Kate spots the case.)

"Hey, got myself a wallet."

KateUnspoken: Well, aren't we the Artful Dodger? You're a little bit fascinating, you know that?

"You're disgusting."

"He ain't gonna miss it."

KateUnspoken: That's my Sawyer. Pragmatic to a fault. Okay, time to put those rippling shoulder muscles to good use. If you didn't want to share, you shouldn't a been showin' off.

"Help me with that case."

"Oh, I'm disgusting, but you're not."

SawyerUnspoken: You're a hypocrite, Freckles. But I have to say, I admire the intensity of your hypocrisy.

KateUnspoken: And you're a grave robber, you sick freak. I like that about you. You know how they say "Friends help you move; real friends help you move bodies"? We can just tweak it a little. Move bodies, remove personal property from dead bodies--same difference.

"It's mine."

(She dives)  
(He follows.)

SawyerUnspoken: Wait, seriously? That case is part of your baggage?

KateUnspoken: Sweetie, you have no idea.

(She tries to wrestle the case out from under the seats. Sawyer cuts in to help, and finally unjams it.)

"You wouldn't happen to have your key on you, wouldja?"

(They sit. Sawyer inspects her, running his standard psychological diagnostic.)

"That case ain't yours, is it?"

KateUnspoken: How busted am I, exactly?

SawyerUnspoken: So busted.

KateUnspoken: Dammit.

"No."

"Well, you wouldn't mind if I just…take it?"

"I don't care."

SawyerUnspoken: It's a good thing you're all wet, Freckles, because your pants just caught on fire.

"Not what it looks like."

KateUnspoken: Dammit, I used to be better at this. Sawyer, is there any chance I could get you to focus on my nipples instead of on lying lips?

SawyerUnspoken: Hey, I can take it all in. A man shouldn't have to choose!

(He chuckles.)

"Something you wanna tell me about this little suitcase, Freckles?"

KateUnspoken: Go to hell.

SawyerUnspoken: Aw, and the waterbaby closes up shop. Come back here, and we'll forget this ever happened. I don't want your stupid case anyway.

"Take it."

KateUnspoken: See if I care. Adios, amigo.

SawyerUnspoken: Damn. Goddamn. You know, I used to be better at this. Alright, your worship, fine. I'll take it, but only because I know you'll be back for it. And when that moment comes, don't think I won't be lying in wait. Said the spider to the fly…

KateUnspoken: Bitch. 


	5. Goodbye, for Now

BFIRESIDE CHAT, EVE OF THE RAFT LAUNCH: NOW IN GLORIOUS UNSPOKENVISION/B

Author's note: AFAIC, this scene from BTR is perfect already, so forgive me doing a tarantella across it, effectively leaving it in tatters and shreds. What can I say? It's one of the best Skate scenes ever, and a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. Haircut scene coming next/later.

"I'm back on the raft."

UnspokenKate: Congratulations. Do you mind if call you Ishmael?

UnspokenSawyer: You didn't find it all so quixotic when you still had a chance to sail off into the sunset all by your lonesome.

UnspokenKate: It wasn't supposed to be on my--oh, never mind.

"Glad to hear it."

UnspokenKate: I'm think I'm depressed...

UnspokenSawyer: Freckles, with all due respect, what else is new?

UnspokenKate: I was doing pretty well there for a while.

"Michael's going to cowboy up. We set sail tomorrow."

UnspokenKate: And you're his sea cowboy of choice. I get it, okay--stop rubbing it in.

UnspokenSawyer: You wanna be a sea cow? I could probably get you a job as a sea cow if you really wanted.

UnspokenKate: Manatees is a nice try, Sawyer, but I'm completely not smiling for you, so stop.

"You here to say sorry, Sawyer?"

UnspokenKate: There could be some sex in it for you. Okay, not sex. But quite possibly a smile.

"Nah. Sorry don't suit me...You cornered me, Freckles. Did what I had to."

UnspokenKate: Gruff raspy chuckles are gonna be hard to come by when you're gone, Sawyer. Maybe bring me one back from the mainland?

UnspokenSawyer: Would you please wipe that miserable look off your face? I'm sailing off to near-certain drowning. Any chance you could postpone the gigantic self-pity party until I'm gone, or maybe just take a break for a minute, and spare a thought for my impending certain death?

UnspokenKate: You're going to drown in your own B.S. before you ever drown in the ocean, you self-righteous ass.

"I cornered you?"

KateUnspoken: As if. And because I'm a lady, I'm not going to mention a certain arm-grabbing incident that the Jaters are going to hold against you forever.

SawyerUnspoken: Oh, honey, you're many things, but don't kid yourself--you're no lady.

KateUnspoken: And you, sir, are no gentleman.

SawyerUnspoken: You know, the Jaters should really mind their own damn business.

KateUnspoken: No kidding! I mean, we don't butt in on _their_ spats with _their_ boyfriends.

"You said if you wanted my spot, you were going to take it. Guess I believed you."

KateUnspoken: Why the hell would you pick now to start believing a word that I say! I'm a known liar! Did you somehow lose the memo between yesterday and today? We're gypsies, tramps and thieves!

SawyerUnspoken: Don't you dare drag Cher into this.

"Well...that's that. I got some packing to do."

KateUnspoken: I'd tell you not to forget clean underwear, but I'm pretty sure you don't own any underwear at all, so just...go.

SawyerUnspoken: Any chance you want to let me have those panties you wore at the lagoon that day as a souvenir of our time together?

KateUnspoken: Not unless I'd be trading my panties for passage on that raft. Don't you understand anything?

SawyerUnspoken: What! It's clean underwear! It's _your_ clean underwear, but still...

"Why is it so important for you to be on that raft?"

SawyerUnspoken: Look here, flytrap, I ain't doin' it for my health. I just gotta do it.

KateUnspoken: I'm not what you think I am, you know. I'm not as cold, I'm not--

SawyerUnspoken: Then ask me to stay. And say it nice.

KateUnspoken: I can't.

SawyerUnspoken: Then neither can I.

"Because there ain't anything on this island worth staying for."

KateUnspoken: I think I must have crashed the plane. Somehow. Because that's what I do, somehow--I break things, and I break people. Wayne and mom and dad and Tom and the marshal and now even this. Sawyer and 747s, all the same.

"Be safe, Sawyer."

Sawyer: Miserable little wench doesn't care about anybody or anything. Never has, never will. Just like me.

"Yeah."


	6. The Other, Less Good Kiss

By popular demand...(And if it takes the edge off the impending Incident, more the better!)

The Jate Kiss: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision

"Kate, what the hell are you doing out here? What happened in the hatch, Kate? Why'd you leave? I come back, I find Sawyer just lying on the ground. You just took off."

KateUnspoken: HEY! He's my long-lost boyfriend, not yours, and I'll leave him lying on the ground if I damn well please! Back off, doc! Also, dammit, Sawyer! I'm not sure how, but I bet there's a way that this is your fault. Poor suffering bastard.

"Is he okay?"

KateUnspoken: He survived Ana-Lucia, I'm sure he can survive a short nap on a cold concrete floor. Right?

"Yes, Kate, he's fine."

JackUnspoken: You know, if I get any huffier, I'm going to inhale the entire island. Save me from myself, Kate.

"I'm sorry."

KateUnspoken: Specifically, I'm sorry I didn't start running the minute I heard you clomping through the jungle with your big patronizing feet. Gives me the willies just being near you, which is saying something considering your competition in heebie-jeebie-dom is the pervy stepfather currently stalking me from the great beyond.

"Are you?"

KateUnspoken: Oh yes, I'm very sorry indeed that I didn't let Sawyer strangle me to death. Because then I would be peacefully dead and not having this conversation with you. Man, I thought Sawyer was in pain.

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I am not as perfect as you. I'm sorry that I'm not as good."

JackUnspoken: That's a common problem, Kate, but everyone who meets me experiences shame and self-recrimination. By the way, could I interest you in a What Would Jack Do? bracelet? A lot of people find them a source of strength.Or maybe a WWJD T-shirt? I could autograph it if you want.

"Okay, what's going on with you?"

KateUnspoken: I. MISS. SAWYER. Also, I'm insanely jealous of all the hot reunion sex Sun is having at this very moment with Jin. Sawyer and me would totally give them a run for their hot reunion sex money--if we had the chance. Sawyer, you're so in trouble when you wake up! Furthermore, meanwhile, thirdly and most of all, I miss Sawyer! A lot. ...Oh, and there's this whole haunted by the ghosts of my past thing, but I don't want to talk about it.

"Just forget it."

KateUnspoken: I'm gonna go see if there's any Tori Amos or Billie Holiday in the hatch. Patsy Cline isn't making me sad enough.

"No, don't walk away from me."

KateUnspoken: Dude, where Tori Amos goes, depressed chicks must follow. It's the law.

Jack grabs her.

KateUnspoken: We'll have to see how things go, but I think this just officially turned into the worst day of my life. Wayne's skulking around, Sawyer's dying of sepsis, and now I have Jack cooties. Remind me to kill myself later.

"Let go of me. Just..."

JackUnspoken: I'm all about the healing power of love, Kate. That's what Jack would do, you know. Love and be loved in return.  
KateUnspoken: Yeah, um, I'd like to buy a one-way ticket to Bear Village please, preferably on a train that arrives immediately before dinnertime--when the ravening polar bears are extra-hungry.

"No. Kate. Jack grabs her. Kate, Kate, Kate."

JackUnspoken: Kiss me, Kate.  
KateUnspoken: Oh no you din'in.

"Don't! I've got..." Kate starts to cry. Jack pulls her towards him and hugs her.

KateUnspoken: I've got Jack cooties on me now. I'd take a bath in bleach except I think that might drive away the polar bears. Hmmm, I wonder if jungle monsters like the smell of bleach...

"It's okay. It's okay."

JackUnspoken: You can call me Wonderwall--because after all, I'm gonna be the one that saves you.

"Please, this place is crazy. It's just...I can't...it's driving me nuts."

KateUnspoken: Did you know I was on the cross-country team in high school? I was, you know. I really like to run. It's kind of my thing. And there's nowhere to run on this damn island. I can't escape anything around here, up to and including high-strung, emotionally retarded doctors. I miss planet Earth--back on Earth you could really stretch your legs.

JackUnspoken: I'm sorry. Did you say something Kate? I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my gigantic pulsing ego. When it gets all pumped up--as it tends to do in the presence of needy women--it sort of sounds like the Space Shuttle taking off, and you can't hear a darn thing for miles around. Anyway, what was that? Something about a leg cramp? Probably the result of a potassium deficiency. Let me get you a banana.

KateUnspoken: You are 15 kinds of skeevy, you know that?

"I know. It's okay. It's alright. It's alright."

KateUnspoken: Okay, can't run. Can't hide. Locke burned Charlie's drugs. Other options for escapism? Erotic oblivion? Maybe that's not just a Sawyer thing. Maybe...

Kate reaches up and give him a passionate kiss.

KateUnspoken: Here goes nothing...wait, that's just an expression. Give me something. Anything? I'm easy...really. Okay, ew. This is gross. Dammit Sawyer, I'm not sure how, but I'm pretty sure this is your fault too. I wonder if Dharma makes extra-strength bleach. Oh! And I know they make ammonia, I saw some in the hatch. I can mix the two and die from the fumes. Whee! I'm off to play with chemicals! Bye Jack!

"Kate!"

JackUnspoken: You forgot your autographed T-shirt! 


	7. Sawyer Wakes Up

SAWYER WAKES UP (YAY!): Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

dedicated to josh + evie for acting the hell out of their scenes together and to the show writers, for putting so much great invisotext between the dialogue that makes it onscreen

Kate: "Can you hear me? Sawyer?"

SawyerUnspoken: Ughnh guhhh. Five more minutes.

"Wayne? I'm probably crazy, but maybe you're in there somehow. But you asked me a question. You asked me why I--why I did it. It wasn't because you drove my father away, or the way you looked at me, or because you beat her. It's because I hated that you were a part of me--that I would never be good. That I would never have anything good. And every time that I look at Sawyer--every time I feel something for him--I see you, Wayne. It makes me sick."

SawyerUnspoken: Alright, alright, I'm awake! But for crissakes, you've got to work on the timing of your heartwarming expressions of affection--I was having a great dream about cracking Ana-Lucia's skull open. Baby, if you weren't so damn adorable you'd be a real buzzkill.

Sawyer: "That's about the sweetest thing I've ever heard."

KateUnspoken: Sawyer, if that's you, you should know that your standards for sweetness are much too low. And if it's not you, well, thank you, Wayne, once again, for crushing my soul and pulverizing my heart in a blender of pain.

Kate: "Sawyer?"

KateUnspoken: Wayne, so help me, if you are messing around inside Sawyer's head, I will climb down into hell just to kill you all over again.

Sawyer: "But who the hell is Wayne?"

SawyerUnspoken: Boyfriend? Bookie? Pen pal? Give me some context here, Freckles. I'm trying to decide if I should be jealous, homicidal or amused.

KateUnspoken: Oh, Sawyer. You're the hottest, funniest, altogether bestest half-dead guy I've ever been nearly strangled by. I missed you, you perverted jerk. Welcome home.

Sawyer: "I'm in a bunk-bed?"

SawyerUnspoken: I totally reserved the California King, but, oh well, I suppose we can improvise something. You know that thing about "necessity being the mother of invention"? Applies first and foremost to sexual positions. I'm just sayin'.

Kate: "Yeah, you're in a bunk-bed."

KateUnspoken: How the hell did you manage to use the word "bed" in a sentence within five seconds of regaining consciousness?

SawyerUnspoken: I wonder if she can tell I've been saving up all my dirty thoughts just for her. Saving. Saved. Oh yeah. Almost forgot for a second there about being stranded on a desert island with sharks and pirates and freakin' Jack.

Sawyer: "Are we saved?"

KateUnspoken: Saved. Saving. Oh yeah, by the way, I should mention that was totally saving myself for you, Sawyer, but then, uh, Jack's lips got in my way. Sorry about that.

SawyerUnspoken: Because if we are--saved, that is--you and me? We're going to Vegas, baby. I have plans for us. For starters, we're gonna get incredibly drunk and do it on every available surface of the Flamingo Suite at the Bellagio.

Kate: "No, Sawyer. Not yet."

SawyerUnspoken: Okay, fine, hotel-room Jacuzzi sex is overrated anyway. But when you and me get back there, Freckles, that lagoon of dead bodies ain't gonna know what hit it.


	8. Wanna Give Me a Hand?

Wanna Give Me Hand? Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

Sawyer is asleep. Kate strolls up and throws a banana at him.

"Morning."

UnspokenSawyer: On the other side of the Island, jail pits, blood infections and jungle terrorists. This side, beautiful girls try to feed you. Totally never leaving home again.

"Did you just throw a banana at me?"

UnspokenKate: I know, I know, total shout-out to that time you flashed me.

UnspokenSawyer: I do believe this banana is a shout-out to my dick. Nice.

"Couldn't find any rocks."

UnspokenKate: I know, I know, total shout-out to that time you had to soak your sore knee, and we almost got together in the lagoon.

UnspokenSawyer: Hey, if me being broke all to pieces brings us together, next week I'll drop an anvil on my foot.

"There are nicer ways to wake a man up, Freckles."

UnspokenSawyer: Do you want me to get graphic? Would you be interested in some visuals? Because I can--

UnspokenKate: No sales resistance...must escape...

"Come on, it's time to go get your bandages changed."

UnspokenKate: Think your truth, Kate. Come on: Business before pleasure! Virtue. Manners. Good behavior! There we go. Better. Oh, uh, Jiminy, quick question: Would a teeny, tiny amount of necking be so very wrong?

"Why can't you do it for me?"

UnspokenSawyer: And can you do it all slow and sweet and lingering like last time?

UnspokenKate: Why can't I do it for you? Are you kidding? After what happened last time? No way!

"Because I'm not your nurse, and Jack's got the bandages."

UnspokenKate: Okay, actually, I'm totally your nurse, I'm awesome at it, and you're only well because I adore you and couldn't live without you and I did anything and everything to make you better. But let's not make a fuss. Besides, in exchange for him never, ever consoling me again, I'm generously letting Jack think he's in charge of your medical treatment. It's a whole ruse I'm working on. You in?

UnspokenSawyer: Conspire against Jack? Of course I'm in! See, further proof that there is such a thing as a stupid question.

"Of course he does. You wanna give me a hand?"

UnspokenSawyer: For the record, if you wanted to try this trick on me sometime, you have a permanent invitation into my personal space.

UnspokenKate: Sawyer's lips. Kissing! "I never said goodbye" makeup sex!

UnspokenSawyer: You could kiss me, you know--I wouldn't stop ya.

"Thanks."

UnspokenKate: Think your truth, woman! Visualize good behavior. Visualize! Antibiotics! Checkups! Whee, being good is fun! Bad girls get sent to Pleasure Island! Okay, that's not helping.

"Come on."

UnspokenKate: Note to self: At first opportunity, seriously consider exchanging entire current moral value system for makeup sex with Sawyer. Could be a good deal! And hey, whaddya know...that puts business before pleasure. Outsmarted you again, Cricket! Sucker!


	9. Sawyer Stepped Forward

Sawyer Stepped Forward, Jack Stepped Back: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

(Locke, Jack and Sawyer stand within a circle of torches, facing down Zeke, who is one of those bad guys who love to make flowery scary speeches.)

"We've got a misunderstanding, Jack--your people, my people. So listen carefully. Right here there's a line. You cross that line, we go from misunderstanding to something else. Now give me your weapons, turn around, go home."

SawyerUnspoken: Oooh! Something else! I pick something else! It's about time we actually had a rumble in the jungle!

"No."

"Jack, maybe--"

"No!"

JackUnspoken: No means no, Locke. Stop trying to date rape me.

"I hoped it wouldn't come to this. Bring her out, Alex!"

SawyerUnspoken: Aw, Freckles. Please don't let this be you.

(Kate, bound and gagged, is thrown into Zeke's clutches.)

"She was following you. Like I said--curiosity."

JackUnspoken: KAAAATE! Oooh! Woman, when we get home, you've got some 'splainin' to do!

(Jack looks pissed. Sawyer steps toward Kate. Zeke pulls a gun and points it at Kate's throat.)

KateUnspoken: Hey! Personal bubble, bucko!

SawyerUnspoken: Sweetie, I'm gonna have to shoot myself, because you're killin' me. Please don't look so scared. Oh, and Jack? You suck.

"Jack, the decision you gotta make right now is this--can you live with the fact that I shot this woman right in front of you when you could have saved her life by giving up and going home? Or are you going to give me your guns, turn around and walk away. It's your call, Jack."

"You touch a hair on her head, I'll--"

SawyerUnspoken: Leave you in anguish. Wallowing in freakish misery forever.

"Shut up! I'm going to count to three. One...two..."

ZekeUnspoken: Two and a half. Two and three quarters. Two and seven eighths. Aw, crap. I'm gonna get Kate juice all over my favorite fake beard. Come on Jack. Two and fifteen sixteenths.

"Stop."

(Jack throws his gun down.)

SawyerUnspoken: Christ on a cracker, Jack! We're not the CIA, man--when they've got a gun to our girl's head, we do negotiate with terrorists. WTF!

"Now, them."

KateUnspoken: Can I go home now? Please? I promise not to taunt the flying monkeys on the way. And there will absolutely no mischief with munchkins.

(Locke throws his gun down.)

LockeUnspoken: I'm more of a knife man, anyway. That's how I met and bedded Angelina Jolie, you know--our mutual affection for knives brought us together. Whoo! Cirque du Soleil acrobats used to stop by to take notes. But man, one wrong move and suddenly you're stuck in a wheelchair and Angie's run off to boink her brother. Safety first, kids. Safety first.

"Give me the other one, too."

(Locke surrenders his other gun.)

"Now you."

(Sawyer drops his gun.)

"You and me ain't done, Zeke."

SawyerUnspoken: I have two hobbies, Groucho. Kate is one of them. Fcking you up is now the other. Brace yourself, btch.

(Zeke releases Kate into Sawyer's waiting arms. Kate looks to Jack apologetically.)

"Jack, I, uh--"

SawyerUnspoken: Honey, you have a people-pleasing problem. Maybe you should get that checked out. I bet a good ointment would clear that right up.

(Sawyer unties Kate's hands and removes the gag.)

"You alright?"

KateUnspoken: Sawyer, am I alright?

SawyerUnspoken: You're fine now, sweetness.

"Yep."

JackUnspoken: Damn, I've got the song "Detachable Penis" stuck in my head. I wonder why.

KateUnspoken: Sawyer, what you just did? That was amazing. I felt like we really connected. So...do you want to cuddle?

SawyerUnspoken: I'd rather have a cigarette, but...sure. Hey, your hair smells nice! Jojoba, right?

LockeUnspoken: Well, we probably shouldn't let this nice campfire go to waste...anybody want some Smores? 


	10. I Need a Gun

I NEED A GUN: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

Note: Historians record this installment as the first verifiable use of UnspokenVision technology, although chronologically, it comes last.

"I need a gun, and you don't get to ask why."

KateUnspoken: Because you totally owe me for the Long Con, and because I have carte blanche--and you darn well know it!

SawyerUnspoken: Hey, Freckles. Long time no see.

"Well, Thelma. Seeing as how I got all the guns, I do get to ask why."

SawyerUnspoken: Humor me, sugar. You know I'll give it to you, but I'm entitled to a little Kate time first. So dish.

KateUnspoken: Sawyer, you totally suck.

"No, you don't."

KateUnspoken: Dude, seriously. Claire is freaking me out, and we are _totally_ on a break. I don't have time to wrestle you right now. Please. Just cooperate. Or I will _smack_ you upside the head.

SawyerUnspoken: Aw, that's my scrappy girl. I missed you, too.

"Yes, I do. Watch: Why?"

SawyerUnspoken: You know how when we fight, I always let you get in a few shots, but basically, I'm a lot stronger? This is like that, darlin'.

KateUnspoken: Don't you _dare_ show me those dimples and talk to me with that self-satisfied drawl! It's adorable as hell, and it's totally not fair, and it's pissing me off even more than usual.

"Just give me a gun, Sawyer."

KateUnspoken: I'm tired, and I'm worried, and I really think you may have broken my heart the other day, so would you consider a little mercy today?

SawyerUnspoken: You want to talk not fair? Those puppy-dog eyes are not fair! Smile, woman! I love you!

"Check it out! Found a new pair of glasses. Damn near my prescription. You like 'em?"

SawyerUnspoken: C'mon. Smile for me, kitten.

KateUnspoken: Hee.

Alright, I'm going into the jungle to track down Rousseau."

KateUnspoken: Happy now?

SawyerUnspoken: Yes, as a matter of fact, I am!

"The French chick? What for?"

SawyerUnspoken: The nutjob who lies and steals babies? Are you sure that's a good idea?

KateUnspoken: Yeah, the nutjob. The crazy lady who could kill us all. So give me a gun, dammit!

"Claire thinks she knows where there might be some medicine. Baby's sick."

SawyerUnspoken: Way to bury the lead, Freckles!

KateUnspoken: You are actually the most frustrating man in the _entire_ world.

"Well, hell, I got medicine."

SawyerUnspoken: And me and Mamacita are pals. Why the hell didn't you just say say something up front! What's your poison? Okay, bad choice of words. What's wrong with the kid? What do you need?

"She thinks he's really sick. As in quarantine sick."

KateUnspoken: You're sweet, but this isn't a Tylenol problem. Claire thinks it's more like that black-eyed alien thing they had on _X-Files_.

SawyerUnspoken: Son of a bitch!

"What do you think?"

SawyerUnspoken: This island fckin' sucks.

KateUnspoken: Tell me about it.

"I think she's a little too worried, but she's going after Rousseau with or without me."

KateUnspoken: So, about that _gun_, Sawyer?

"No boys allowed, huh?"

SawyerUnspoken: I'd come with you if you wanted, seein' as how I love you and I have awful nightmares about you gettin' hurt on this hellhole, but I'm guessing this is some kind of chick thing, huh?

KateUnspoken: You guess right, this is some kind of chick thing. But thanks for thinking of me. I love you, too, baby.

"Alright, whaddya want? Nine millimeter or rifle?"

SawyerUnspoken: Be safe, Kate.

KateUnspoken: Wow. You're really incredibly hot. I forget sometimes. Damn. And I will...be safe. And thanks, Sawyer.


	11. The Incident

TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 1

Sawyer's pulling down mangoes. Ana-Lucia moseys up and starts fondling the testicular euphemisms.

"Hey, I've been knocking those things down for 20 minutes. Get your hands off of my damn mangoes."

SawyerUnspoken: For one thing your technique looks terrible.

"I didn't figure you for the fruit-picking type."

SawyerUnspoken: Are you saying I'm gay? Or just fat? Because I'm positive I'm being insulted, but I'm not entirely clear how.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Now you know how the rest of us feel.

"What do you want?"

SawyerUnspoken: I, for one, would like reparations for the ill treatment I suffered during my stay in your prisoner-of-war camp. I'll take a box of Thin Mints to start. I like cookies.

"I need a gun."

SawyerUnspoken: Is that a metaphor?

"Well, here's an idea--why not go to your buddy, Jack? He's got himself a gun. Oh, that's right, he's still traipsing around the jungle with Kate."

SawyerUnspoken: Do you think he lets her play with his gun?

AnaLuciaUnspoken: He probably likes to keep it to himself.

SawyerUnspoken: Were that it were so.

"If you've got a problem because he's making time with your girlfriend, don't take it out on me, man. How 'bout you just give me a gun?"

SawyerUnspoken: Don't make me angry, Lucy. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: What? You gonna throw me over your knee and spank me?

SawyerUnspoken: You wish. I'm saving that trick for Freckles.

"Here's another idea--scram. You heard me, now get."

TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 2

Sawyer's walking alongside the creek when he hears something in the trees.

SawyerUnspoken: First Claire, then Kate...based on the Others' proclivity for the pretty, I'm totally due for a kidnapping. Dammit. This is so not my year.

"Come out, come out whoever you are. I know you're there. Don't make me come in after you..."

Ana-Lucia appears.

SawyerUnspoken: Nor, apparently, is it my day.

"Well, well, well, what have we got here? Was Little Red Riding Hood going to follow the Big Bad Wolf back to his big old stash-o-guns?"

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Okay, you're such a cheating bastard. I can't believe you're using the little Red Riding Hood line on me. Everyone knows Kate's Red Riding Hood, and that's what makes it so epic that you, the wolf, fell in love with her. Well, that and the bloodshed and the ruined lives and all the failed expeditions to grandma's house.

SawyerUnspoken: I was referencing the "Fear, Itself" episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but whatever.

"Why don't you give me that one, right there?"

SawyerUnspoken: My motivations for taking the guns remain shrouded in a mystical fog that lifts only once every thousand years, but Cockeye Sally, I'm positive it wasn't so you could continue your twisted love affair with firearms.

"I ain't going to give me you nothing. We've been through this, Lucy."

SawyerUnspoken: And why must I be so fking florid all the time! A simple "no" would suffice. sigh Reliably excellent line-readings: It's my blessing and my curse.

She swings, she misses, he laughs, she wrestles him to the ground, he flips the crazy bitch, Skaters everywhere lament the utter defilement of the once-holy jungle love tackle.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Hey! I liked you better when you had a festering hole in your shoulder!

SawyerUnspoken: What can I say...bullets are my Kryptonite.

He's got her pinned and takes a moment to taunt her.

"What you gonna do now, muchacha?"

Ana-Lucia starts kissing Sawyer.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Mama always said, the big brain indeed is unwilling, but the little brain is weak.

Sawyer's Little Brain: Hey! Who you callin' weak!

AnaLucia's Mama: Hey! Don't drag me into this. Oh, by the way, you're adopted.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Dammit! I knew there was a reason you were so much cooler than me!

Ana-Lucia and Sawyer start pulling off each other's clothes.

SawyerUnspoken: Look little fangirls, a man's got needs. And that's all I'm going to say about that.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Who are you talking to?

Sawyer's Big Brain: Silencio, por favor! I'm trying to remember something, but I can't think straight with the racket going on downstairs.

Sawyer's Little Brain: WHHHEEEE! We're having sex! Does the wave.

Angry jungle drums attempt to generate some sort of animalistic heat; usher us into commercial.

TWO FOR THE ROAD: PART 3

SawyerUnspoken: For your sake, peaches, I hope that wasn't your A-game.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Pugilistically or sexually?

SawyerUnspoken: I don't know what that first part means, but I do know I wouldn't be throwing around the word pug if I were you.

Ana puts on her shirt as Sawyer watches.

"What? Don't you want my phone number?"

AnaLuciaUnspoken: But, Sawyer, there are no phones on this Island.

SawyerUnspoken: Indeed.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: HEY!

SawyerUnspoken: You'll notice I'm not offering you my Dharmatel IM screenname either.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: Well, for your information, I'm already stalking you on MySpace. So there.

"You tell anyone about this, and I'll kill you."

AnaLuciaUnspoken: No, I mean it. I'll kill you.

She takes off.

"I guess that takes cuddling off the table."

KateUnspoken: Go directly to the hatch. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Look for the bottle labelled Kate's Patented Special Bleach-Ammonia Blend Cootie Remover. Chug.

AnaLuciaUnspoken: And you might want to pop a couple of amoxicillin while you're there. I'm just sayin'. The burning starts Thursday.


	12. Fish Biscuits

Fish Biscuits of Love: Now in Glorious UnspokenVision!

Kate spots Sawyer.

KateUnspoken: Sawyer's here. Sawyer's alive.

Sawyer spots Kate.

SawyerUnspoken: Kate! I wonder if my hair's okay? Crap--of course the moment she shows up is the moment my head's buried in a trough of animal crackers and raw sewage. Figures!

KateUnspoken: Help me. Please help me.

SawyerUnspoken: I gotcha, Freckles. I promise.

KateUnspoken: Oh god. They're going to kill us both.

Zeke locks Kate in the cage; Sawyer stares at her from his cell.

SawyerUnspoken: She's still got all her fingers and toes, so at least we have that in our favor. Damn, has she always been so little? Why didn't I ever know she was that skinny?

Kate's faced away from Sawyer and Zeke.

KateUnspoken: I'll never tell him. For his own good, he can't know.

"If you stick your hands out through the bars, I'll take off your cuffs. Scratched you up pretty bad, didn't they? I'll bring you some antiseptic later."

SawyerUnspoken: Who the hell is "they"—does he mean the cuffs or does he mean a person? If it's a person, he's just entirely dead, even before the good jailer here.

"Why don't you bring me an ottoman? While you're at it, I could use a blowdry."

KateUnspoken: Hey! I'll do all the Sawyer barbering around here, thank you very much. No farming it out to Others you big traitor!

"You got yourself a fish biscuit! How'd you do that?"

"I figured out your complicated gizmos, that's how."

"Only took the bears two hours."

"Well, how many of them were there?"

SawyerUnspoken: Asshole.

KateUnspoken: I resent that.

SawyerUnspoken: Not you, sweetheart, but you are a sight for sore eyes.

"You okay Freckles?"

KateUnspoken: Hi, Sawyer. You know, I think you'd give a nickname to your executioner. Maybe we'll go up there, to the guillotine, together, so at least I can laugh a little before I die. God I missed you.

"Yep. You?"

KateUnspoken: Who am I kidding? The blade would bounce off your thick skull. If I were the nickname type, I'd call you Timex. You take a lickin' and keep on tickin'…

"I requested that cage—but whatever."

KateUnspoken: Oh god. I don't…

SawyerUnspoken: Hey! There's no crying in baseball!

"Nice dress."

SawyerUnspoken: That ought to piss her off. Better mad than sad.

KateUnspoken: Sawyer, you're transparent as glass.

"They made me wear it."

SawyerUnspoken: F--k. They're pushing every button she's got.

KateUnspoken: No, I'm okay, really.

SawyerUnspoken: If she doesn't let me help her, she's gonna crack like a sidewalk. Goddammit…

"You hongry?"

KateUnspoken: Do you have mangoes!

SawyerUnspoken: Here, catch.

He throws her the biscuit. She eats it.

KateUnspoken: Maybe it's mango- I flavored /I …

SawyerUnspoken: Kate's eating…

KateUnspoken: This is the most disgusting thing I've ever had in my mouth. I think I might throw up.

SawyerUnspoken: It's not the same as Kate happy and safe, but it'll do for now.

KateUnspoken: Thank you. For the fish biscuit. And for helping me to not cry.

SawyerUnspoken: Anytime at all, sugar.


End file.
